By Sahan Vishvajith Ranasinghe
You lie in bed at night. You stare at the ceiling. The house is quiet. But your mind is screaming. You look at the phone. You wait for a text to say they are okay. You replay their problems in your head. You worry about their breakup. You worry about their debt. You worry about their sadness.
And then, the Guilt comes. You replay the past. You wonder, “Did I do enough?” You judge yourself for mistakes you made 20 years ago. You think if you had been different then, they would be safe now.
Your instinct is to rush in. You want to fix it. For years, a kiss and a band-aid fixed everything. You were the Magician. But now, they are tall. They are grown. Their problems are too big for band-aids. And you feel a terrible, hollow ache in your chest. You realize a painful truth. “I cannot save them from this.”
You feel like you are abandoning them. But the Buddha taught that true love is not about holding on tight. It is about knowing when to lengthen the string.
The Kite and the String (A motivational tale)
Here is the image that will help you forgive yourself today.
Imagine your child is a beautiful, bright Kite. When they were little, the string was short. You held it tight. You controlled every dip and dive. You kept them safe from the trees.
But a kite is not made to stay close to the ground. It is made to fly high. As the kite goes higher into the strong winds of adulthood, the string must get longer.
If you pull the string too tight right now because of fear, the tension becomes too much. A tight string snaps. Or it forces the kite to crash.
To let them soar, you must do the hardest thing a mother can do. You must let the string go slack. You are still connected. You are still their anchor. But you have to trust the wind. You have to trust their wings.
The Teaching: “Kammassakata” (You Don’t Own Their Actions)
The Buddha gave a specific teaching that frees parents from this guilt. It is called Kammassakata. It means: ‘Every person is the owner of their own actions and that actions have consequences.’
You gave your child life. You gave them roots. You gave them your best. But according to the Dhamma, you cannot own their Karma. Their choices, their mistakes, and their lessons belong to them.
When you try to “fix” everything, you are trying to interrupt their Karma. You are stealing their lessons. Stop judging the mother you were yesterday. She did her best. It is time to trust the adult they are today.
The Warning: The “Near Enemy” of Love
The Buddha taught that Love (Metta) has a “Near Enemy” called Attachment. Real Love says: “I want you to be happy.” Attachment says: “I want you to be happy, but only if you do it my way.”
Your worry is not love, Mama. It is Fear. The Buddha taught Upekkha (Equanimity). This means loving them with an open hand, not a clenched fist.
Source : Mindful Walking FB page – Original title: For the Mother Who Can No Longer Fix Her Child’s Life
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